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Bar/Bat Mitzvah Family Involvement

What Is Our Family's Involvement?...

School for Living Judaism...
Students must have been enrolled and satisfactorily completed a minimum of four years of formal accredited Jewish education prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. In addition, the students must be enrolled in religious school for the current synagogue year (July 1 - June 30) in which the Bar/Bat Mitzvah takes place unless enrolled in an accredited day school.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah in the sanctuary or the chapel at Congregation B'nai Israel is an earned honor. The student must satisfactorily complete the individually assigned educational requirements of the tutoring program in order to celebrate the Bar/Bat Mitzvah on the date and time assigned.

Fees
All financial obligations are to be current and up-to-date with no prior balances on your account. The total Bar/Bat Mitzvah fee is billed at the time your child enters the program and is due prior to the date of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Congregation...
On Friday evening...

Services begin at 7:30 p.m. or 6:15pm for Early Shabbat. Families are requested to arrive 30 minutes prior to the service. If there is a holiday or special Shabbat, the family will be advised of the starting time for the service.
Parents and the Bar/Bat Mitzvah student are required, as part of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah experience, to sit on the bimah. Siblings will be seated in the rows adjacent to the bimah to allow for full participation.
Candle Lighting is led by the Bat Mitzvah, her sister/s and her mother.* The Kiddush is led by the Bar Mitzvah, his brother/s and his father.*
A congregational reading may be presented by a member of the immediate family. The subject should be meaningful for the entire congregation and drawn from Jewish sources.
Families sponsor the pulpit flowers or food baskets.
Families sponsor the Oneg Shabbat.

On Saturday morning...

Sanctuary Services begin at 9:45 a.m. Families are to arrive at 9:15 a.m. and are seated in the front row of the Sanctuary.
Chapel Services begin at 10:15 a.m. Families are to arrive at 10:45 a.m. and are seated in the front row of the Chapel.
Mincha Services in the Chapel - are held at 4:30 p.m., families are to arrive at 3:30 p.m.
Mincha Services in the Sanctuary - begin between 4:45 p.m. and 5:30 p.m. depending on sundown and time of the year. (Contact the office for details.) Families are to arrive 1 hour before the start time of the Service.
Havdalah prayers will be offered for those services which conclude after Shabbat.
Aliyot and other honors are offered to the family. Click here for more information.

The Congregational Kiddush following the Sanctuary morning service is provided through contributions made by the families.

Most important of all . . . ENJOY!

*NOTE: In the case of single parent families, one grandparent, aunt or uncle, may stand in for either the Candle Lighting or Kiddush and sit on the bimah with the family.

Speeches for Parents and B'nai Mitzvah

Parents...
During the service, you will have the opportunity to actually hand the Torah down to your son/daughter as they come to the Ark. The Rabbi or Cantor will give you the Torah and at this point you will share some brief words expressing the importance of receiving the Torah and becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

This is a wonderful time for your family and a powerful way to impress upon your children the meaning of Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Rabbi or Cantor will be happy to meet with you and talk about your ideas. If you need to write down notes, please do this on a 5 x 7 index card.

Students...
It is customary and traditional for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah to give a D'var Torah during the service. The D'var Torah (literally "a word of Torah") is a lesson about your Torah portion and is delivered immediately prior to the Torah discussion portion of the service. The student prepares their D'var Torah with Rabbi Silvers during TAG 13 meetings and with Rabbi Agler during the family meeting with him.

Shalom,
Robert Floum
Chair - Ritual Committee

A Special Note to Families with Divorce...

What matters most is that parents behave with dignity and with sensitivity in keeping with the sanctity of the synagogue and Shabbat and in the best interests of their child. In addition, all matters relating to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah should be thoroughly clarified well in advance.

Think about the welfare of your child. It should not be an occasion to add unnecessary stress to the family.
Take ample time to get ready. A divorce may make it harder so it is suggested that dealing early with all issues and contingencies together will make it easier.
The synagogue will meet with you to review all the specifics. If only one parent is a member of the synagogue, the member should share all pertinent information with the former spouse.
The synagogue is open to everyone. There should be no effort to stop a person from being present.
Rituals can be modified. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah format can be adjusted, as warranted by the circumstances wherever possible. Both father and mother should have a role in the ceremony.
Cooperate in planning the reception/s. The child should not feel pressured or drawn into competition by the parents.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah Ushering Requirements...

One of the required responsibilities of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah families is to usher at one Saturday Sabbath Service. You will usher at a service comparable to the one that you will celebrate with your child. For example, if you have a Sanctuary morning service, you will usher at a Sanctuary morning service; and if you have a Chapel morning Service, you will usher at a Chapel morning Service.

Your ushering will insure that...

You have the opportunity to become familiar with the order of the service and what will be expected of you and all who will be participating with you.
Decorum is maintained throughout the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service and the atmosphere will be pleasant for all in attendance. Your presence will assure another family of a wonderful experience and, in turn, another family will do the same for you.

Ushering Duty Dates & Assignment...

You will be notified of the procedure and when you will be ushering well in advance of the date of your child's Bar/Bat Mitzvah.
What a wonderful mitzvah this is for you and the family celebrating the Bar/Bat Mitzvah knowing that you will usher for them.

Derech Eretz Kadma La'Torah
"Respect must precede Torah"
Midrash to Proverbs, Chapter I

Tutoring Procedures Information for Parents...

The tutoring process generally begins eight months before the date of your Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Tutoring will take place once a week for a half-hour on synagogue premises.

Families that are sharing their Bar/Bat Mitzvah will have private tutoring sessions until the last six weeks of tutoring, when the students will begin to practice together.

The tutoring program consists of 22 sessions as follows:

22 private one-half hour lessons
4 sanctuary or chapel rehearsals
1 meeting and 1 final rehearsal with the Cantor

The tutoring fee is included in your Bar/Bat Mitzvah fee and will appear on your statement immediately after your 8-month meeting with Cantor Shore.

FAQ's

Is there a dress code in the synagogue?
Jewish tradition and our synagogue call for dignity and modesty of dress while in the sanctuary or chapel. Jackets and ties for gentlemen. Dresses with modest hemlines (knee-length) and necklines and pants suits for women. Please note that cocktail attire, bare shoulders, spaghetti straps and the like are inappropriate for Sabbath worship.
Can I put up party decorations?
No party decorations may be placed in the sanctuary, chapel, courtyard or hallways prior to the conclusion of the service.
When will my child learn about putting on Tefillin?
On the Monday or Thursday prior to your child becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah, they may participate in the age-old Jewish ritual of putting on tefillin. At this weekday morning service, your child will don tefillin, chant three aliyot from their Torah portion, and help lead your family and friends in worship. Contact Rabbi Silvers' office for more information.
Can our family present a special reading on the Friday Evening before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah?
On Friday evening, a congregational reading may be presented by a member of the family. The subject should be one that is based on a Jewish source, inspirational and meaningful to the entire congregation and not personal to your child. Any reading must be pre-approved by one of our rabbis.
Can I hand out personalized booklets during the Bar/Bat Mitzvah?
Sometimes families choose to prepare a booklet explaining the meaning of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service and ritual items used in the sanctuary. All printed materials distributed at the Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony are to receive prior approval by the synagogue. Please bring a sample to Marilyn Asofsky, our Executive Director, and she will have it reviewed and returned to you promptly. A final copy should be given to the office for our records. If photographs are used, they should be appropriate for a religious service.